It is hard to say this
But sometimes I am the happiest when I feel sad
For many people, such a contradiction would not make sense
For me, they can be one of the same
Because true happiness for me is always surrounded by anxiety
This anxiety hits me because I worry that my true happiness will go away

Sometimes I wish everything could go away
And I could disappear into oblivion
But then reality sets in
While I lie in my bed
Wondering
What is it like to live?