4 bricks in a line on the floor in case someone dared to knock at this door shadows underneath come and go but it won't be me they get to know 10 bricks now for added protection a sign reads "leave, please no affection" comfort here in the shade "go away i'm not here, leave" i prayed 20 bricks and counting to avoid the foreseen I learnt how to build at the age of sixteen this is not the first, i've been here three times fallen head first for emotional crimes and i wonder why i can't muster the trust when consistence and kindness has been my gold dust and always when I need them the most I’ll run, I’ll hide and become like the ghost all because the notion of security has become somewhat of a peculiar obscurity 7 seconds to put up all the defences and here I’ll sit with the everlasting consequences crying out at my own reflection “here we are, did it again, severed an incandescent connection” how can I change when this has been all I know this version of love had been taught long ago if not filled with rage and sordid behaviour cut all ties, sabotage, this can’t be my saviour and the reason I feel like I need to be saved is I’ve danced too long with the morally depraved who treated me well with sweet degradation and made me believe in self deprecation so these walls, after all, are for me and not you quietly hoping you have the tools to break through