Alright no one here leaves
Until I get back my monkey
He was right here beside me
When we sat down at the bar

He got up to use the restroom
Cause my monkey is not uncouth
I KNOW he didn't just drive off
I still have the keys to the car

We were having the best of times
Telling jokes and making up zoological rhymes
He even passed around that picture
You know the one with the orangutan in that embarrassing position

That's the last time I saw him
My monkey...my best friend
Will somebody help me look please
These tears have all but blurred my vision

I've now checked every zoo on the East coast
Every circus that I know
Thinking perhaps he was monkeynapped
By some clown or zoological freak

I haven't seen hide nor hair
Of a clean shaven monkey in underwear
I told you he wasn't uncouth
My monkey learned that from me

These days I cry in my beer
Since my monkey's no longer here
I guess Doodles had better things
To do with his life

If my monkey, Doodles you ever do see
Will you tell him I miss him oodles for me
And that I've accepted the fact that he's not coming back
And that I'll be alright...