I've been thinking, lately, I've been thinking a lot.
I don't want to be alive and I also don't want to die.
I'm just existing. No friends. No purpose. Nothing.
Just here. And this constantly bothers me because
everyone seems to have something or be doing something.
I feel constantly alone and while I'm alone I contemplate
doing the most rash and unreasonable things.
I'm scared for myself because I don't know exactly
what I am capable of when feeling this helpless.
I know I'll be getting into trouble sooner or later.
I just want to rush back to my old ways and say
**** recovery, because what has it done for me?
Caused me misery and allowed my mind to run
rampant with these awful thoughts. What would
you do in my position? I don't have money and no one
will hire me. I can't travel, I have no love life. I've lost
all of my friends and I can't quite pull myself together
on my own. I need help. What would you do?
This is not a poem. Just a stream of my thoughts.