Sometimes I wonder,
How can someone at fifteen years old
Go through depression?
How someone so young
Can already be exhausted
Of the world they still haven't known
And sometimes I think,
Maybe it's not real
But I am living example
I wonder, maybe, it's just a phase
But phases last years not a lifetime
Maybe it's genetics,
From each branch and every leaf
In the family tree with a chemical imbalance
But how come they don't understand?
Sometimes I think,
Maybe it's the people around me
And so I isolate myself away from everybody
Feeling relaxed but not quite happy
So maybe it's the surrounding,
So every few months I always end up moving
And I don't trace my steps I don't look back
I just keep running and running
From everyone and everything
The friends who were always there listening,
Relatives who were sometimes annoying,
And a lover who'd kept trying,
And everytime I leave they ask why
And tell me you are so confusing
But I don't answer back
I just keep running and running
Until I realize,
I'm running away from my problems
And the problem is myself.
So maybe young people with depression
Do exist, and I am one
And maybe there's no way out of it
Because my depression and I live in unison.
Merged together, stuck with one another
Struggling to live in a body
That keeps getting uglier,
Trapped inside a skin full of scars and blisters
That I have not once considered
How to make them all better.
Because it's who I am, it's my home
With my melancholic half
And half a soul of my own
Pain and depression
Are really the only things I've felt and known.
So maybe it's possible and it does exist
The only place it doesn't
Is in my sleep and in my dreams
And when I wake up
My sadness alarm tells me,
Welcome home!
Sorry it's not a sweet one though.
-djs