It was four in the morning
The noises I'm so subconsciously
dependent on were as absent
as all of the people I'm so consciously
dependent on...
I've never experienced a silence
so untouched
and equally dysfunctional.
Outside of my racing mind
& shaking hands
the earth was dead
or sleeping.
It didn't seem to make a difference.
I could've shut my phone off.
Inhaled the night like my last cigarette.
Let the insanity take its toll,
and fade into my driveway
but instead I called
and I called
and I called
without an answer...
Maybe if I just leave my foot
like a weight to the gas pedal,
close my eyes
and let go of the steering wheel,
I could reach some sort of fate
Reveal some twisted destiny
"She was born to die young,
You could see it in her eyes"
Am I suicidal?
No
Not anymore
But I'm lost enough
to think that my car
has a better chance of leading me
to where I need to be than I do
And if I need to be laid up in a hospital bed
Or arms crossed, six feet deep into the ground
So be it
At least then I could stop wandering
Rest this aching skull
Rid my soul of it all