All the static, the noise in my head is getting louder
So unbearably loud.
And it's all I can do to convince myself, I'm okay.
They're not ALL pointing and laughing.
You are not shameful.
You're worthy.
Things are going to work out.
Things will look better.
The ground is not falling from beneath you.
Although, your knees are shaky, you're still standing.
Still pacing.
Still taking small steps forward.
Dancing with your own thoughts, as it may be.
Nonetheless, your own chaotic tango.
Just roll with it.
The dice have been rolled.
Go with the next calling.
The next thing that feels right.
Because. This. Doesn't.
I've placated myself, become complacent.
I listened to the outer noise, that which stirs unease.
Stick it out, they say.
Don't give up on this great thing.
This greatness is not my greatness.
Is not my passion, or my heart.
This 'greatness' is a grand recurring nightmare.
A grandiose headache.
Remove me.
This is not a reflection of my soul.
A stepping stone, I remind myself.
Yet, here I am in limbo, as with everything.
When does it end?
When can I stop aching for more?
In an ocean full of water, I am drifting and dying of thirst.
I call out, "Quench me."
I am done thirsting for an unknown resolve.
What on Earth is this life, this meaningless humdrum life?