i am the toxins
melting into my brain.
i am drunk, i am midnight, i am destructiveness.
i want to be better,
not because you told me to,
but because i'm still melted in the melancholy
seeping out of my flesh
and dripping in between my fingers.
i want to be better
because the crushed up powder
still lingers on my hands
like fingerprints at a crime scene,
and it's slipping through the cracks in my skin.
i want to be clean and kind,
i want to be carnival lights and sweetness.
i want you to see me sober again
and i want you to know that i'm sorry.