The scariest part isn't my Sadness,

Or the emptiness in my loneliness

Not even the fact darkness has rejected me

Its the realization at 2am

That you don't have the energy to cry or to cut

How do i narrate this pain to you

Why is crying in my fate?

I am slowly breaking and it's not fair

How do i **** this pain

Without killing myself

I'm scared of the what if... what if I see him

What if he hurts me

He was meant to be my dad

Not my abuser

He was meant to protect me

My helplessness is in my eyes

It reads out help me before i die

In this kind of pain

I may die bearing it

Or even get used to myself

And I am scared….

The people making me

Cry are telling me to wipe my tears

And he isn't here anymore

But still breaths in my head

Everyday i scream silently

I hide my screams with a mask

My own look at me like I have commited a crime by saying thay I'm not fine

Laiba is hurting for too long

How much more can she take

I am sorry for not being happy

For being scared and the fear consuming me.

But what do you know

What I been through and why his presence scares me