Jun 2021
~And everyday it was difficult, walking around and knowing that people saw me one way, knowing that they were wrong, so completely wrong, that the real me was invisible to them. It didn't even exist to them.
So: If nobody sees you, are you still there?
—Akwaeke Emezi, The Death of Vivek Oji
Visible
written June 5th, 2021
I slowly approach
the idea of
being visible
after a lifetime of
being afraid
of being seen.
Being invisible
is a kind of protection.
If I can be invisible
disappear even to myself
maybe the pain
won't exist.
I can testify
to the pain still felt
even when
holding perfectly still
invisible to the world.
Self is something
we are alone with
by our selves
but also
something we are
in relation
with others.
I reach out with this poem
to declare my self
to you.
To claim my space
in this world.
To begin to reveal
me.
So: If nobody sees you, are you still there?
—Akwaeke Emezi, The Death of Vivek Oji
Visible
written June 5th, 2021
I slowly approach
the idea of
being visible
after a lifetime of
being afraid
of being seen.
Being invisible
is a kind of protection.
If I can be invisible
disappear even to myself
maybe the pain
won't exist.
I can testify
to the pain still felt
even when
holding perfectly still
invisible to the world.
Self is something
we are alone with
by our selves
but also
something we are
in relation
with others.
I reach out with this poem
to declare my self
to you.
To claim my space
in this world.
To begin to reveal
me.
This is a major struggle for me. Putting words on the page, posting them online, where they can be seen. Letting the words reflect the real experience of being me. It goes against everything I've done up until now. Maybe if I do this enough times, in enough completeness, there will be some acceptance from me for my self.
