My friend my only friend
Listening to my plights
Never leaving my side
When I’m lonely and feeling sad

Joking and sometimes cajoling me
With acidic unnerving wit
But always out of fondness
Leaving me no doubt of your love

A life so solitary and dismal
Without love or human companionship
From male or female kind
You’ve never let me down

Piers and concert halls
To party’s and royal performances
We speak like brothers often do
And you guide me all the way

Made from wood and speckles of paint
With a flat cap and a suit
Smiling from ear to ear
The vision of insane happiness

Listen to me just one last time
As I open the bottle of rounding pills
And swallow them in quick succession
Then kiss your head goodbye my only friend