1am, your floppy hair, freshmen on the dorm floor debating theology as if we knew what it was and i saw your mind, but i also saw something more
and i saw you all over in colorful flowers, sunny days, old churches i heard your voice while watching anime or listening to tales of ole' and sometimes even when i sat alone
your endless search for perfection intimidated me building up a dream of a woman i'm not sure either of us will ever meet and i wasn't her i knew i never would be
but i remained in your orbit nonetheless desperately compartmentalizing my heart from my head as if friendship was enough as if i wasn't in love
and i wrote about you anyway as if our story could end happily rain boots dancing in a puddle a jubilee of you and me
when i finally said the words to you i made them so much smaller "i have feelings" the confession of a coward
and as you answered my exclamation with a question mark i retreated maybe friendship is enough maybe i'm not in love
you wanted to know you meant something but i kept my breaking heart to myself trying to salvage what we were hoping my declaration hadn't destroyed it
but i was destroyed and i had been so good at hiding it all away that i still sometimes find another broken piece the remnants of rejection the love i can't quite extinguish