You trawled through my history; internet of images, the smiling moments. ‘You seemed happy [was it really that bad?]’ Oh yes I was. Excruciatingly happy, painstakingly happy, rejectedly happy. Smile! To cover the loss, hurt, bewilderment. Smile! To hold on, try, we’re meant to be ok. Smile! Cover that loneliness, confusion, that truly broken heart.