i stayed home from school that day
because i was exhausted and lacked sleep
or maybe it was because i didn't really feel like going

it wasn't because i was texting you
all night saying goodbye, or
because i simply didn't feel like i could
continue on living

at least that's what i tell myself
when i hear three knocks on my door and
it's eleven in the morning and i'm
still in my pajamas

it really could have been
because i wanted to sleep in, which is
what i tell to the police officer as he sits down
across from me and asks me if i'm okay

of course, do i not breathe before you?
at least that's what i tell him
in my mind, the same little phrase
i have told myself all the times before

and he looks at me and he does not smile
or look away or crease his eyebrows
and i do not ask for a reaction
or people begging at my feet

we both know what is happening here
we both wish we didn't