my hands shake
as I place a single candle
on top of a store bought cupcake
it doesn't mean much anymore

I take out my lighter
and light the wick
staring at the flame
as in flicks
lighting the shadows in my dark room

I start to sing
choking on the words
trying not to cry
or wake anybody up

"Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday, dear Jenna
Happy birthday to me"

I try to blow out the candle
one pathetic attempt after another
until I finally succeed
I wish to simply disappear
like i never existed
to save my family and friends
from the heartache

and i quietly clap to myself
tears streaming down my cheeks
but i know this isn't my last year
and next year I'll make the same wish
*over and over