my childhood,
beautifully messy.
living out the nineties
making pre-internet memories

i remember running around
in mismatched clothes
d.i.r.t.y bare feet
no mobile phone
so my eyes were on the sky
my eyes were on the grass, so green
my eyes were looking into yours
not on a vapid screen  

i remember daddy
bringing our first modem home
i entered my first chat room
at nine years old
believe it or not
i remember the chat feed
being considerably clean
the only time it ever would be
in online history

my childhood,
beautifully messy.
i made so many innocent
pre-internet memories

i remember 5 channels on my tv
i was lucky if i got to watch one movie a week
i don't remember feeling that i had less than what i need
i don't remember feeling as though i had to change me

i remember hating bath time
now i can't get myself clean
no matter how many products that i scrub myself with

i remember backyard performances
my sister was director
i could put on any mask i wanted
i was somebody else for just a moment

i remember a girl from high school
inviting me to join Facebook
if i could go back to that day
i would run far away from her

never did i think, it would become what it is
never did i think, i would become an addict

when i entered that chatroom
back in 99'
i wish i had saved those conversations
proof that it was once benign

my childhood,
beautifully messy.
i made so many innocent
pre-internet memories