in a shirt from Call of Duty
that could clothe four average men
in the aisle for hair and beauty
he was shoplifting again

so under shirt the contraband
goes soap and gel and wax
by not exactly sleight of hand
but still he clears the racks

to keep the house in big name brands
of shampoo and hairspray
the store detectives understand
and look the other way

since he's no criminal mastermind
public enemy number one
not the tooled-up, violent kind
not Godfather or Don

and not a man born to be bad
or ****** on the skids
he's just an ordinary dad
placating teenage kids

so dressed in clothes from car boot stalls
and charity shop spoils
he's robbing Peter to pay Paul
so they can live like royals

ignoring all the cheaper types
his kids won’t tolerate
stolen goods in one deft swipe
things just evaporate

and there to make his escape good
his wife is parked outside
engine running under hood
the Bonnie to his Clyde

for three more weeks 'til they get
paid
they’ll live under this gun
victims of the daily raid
on bank of dad and mum.