Eyes wide open
Slight smile on my face
Can't show too much
That twinkle in your eye is inviting
And the way  you smile at me
And put your hand in mine ever so graciously
Makes my smile burst on my face

Then I'm off, smile gone
Hands at my side
Stiff. Eyes looking anywhere and everywhere but at you
You try to slowly take my hand and apologize
"I can't. Please don't"
You pull back, my fear is a brick wall between us
I turn my back to you all the while screaming inside
You call "hey it's ok. I can be patient."
I sigh heavily as I fight my urges to crumble
I've heard that too many times
And you've only seen bads good side
You haven't gotten trapped in my hell yet

The hell lives inbetween my ears
Filling my  head with hateful, repietitive thoughts
Lingering voices of my past telling me I'm "nothing"
Flashbacks of swift heavy fists coming down on me
Tears slide down my eyes, when I replay the night where I was almost taken
And I quiver and tremble
As I hear you talking so sweet and calmly to me, pleading for me to come out
Let you see my face
Hesitation turns to being frozen
Let you see my face? My tear stained, black eyes, drug hazed, depressed, tired face?
Will you still think I'm beautiful?

The days go by
The sun goes up
Then the stars come out
Millions and millions of bright full of hope stars
And for moments at a time, I find myself believing
Believing in the kind words you never stop saying
The patience that eases over you when I collapse back into hiding
The way you just pat my leg when you ask me a question but, my fear glues my mouth shut
And I lower my head because I hate what I'm doing
I hate that the ugly twisted torment from my past is drawing me back there
And pulling me further away from you
A wildflower I stumbled upon in the weeds

You're still here
And I'm trying to let you in
You have no idea how many times I open my mouth to speak and my mouth dries up and I look away and change the subject
You stay strong
You stay brave
You do and say things that make the ice around my heart start to melt inside
And I love this feeling I've never really known
But, always wanted
Your brown eyes so inviting
Your actions follow your every word
I remain stuck biting my lip, wanting to tell you, show you so much
But, my mind speaks louder and more firm than my heart
And I can't explain it as the wind smacks me in the face as if saying "wake up! Open up!"
I glance back to see you starting to follow
I turn back around in shock
With a slight smile on my face
But, fear filling my body like cement making me heavy, scared and frantic
But I keep running
Of all the things I could of, should of ran from....
My feet pound against the ground as I run away from happy.....