So patiently I wait
To see what form
My madness will next take

Between the nightmares
And broken sleep
I long for calm
A quiet peace

Yet shelters have become
Far less available
In the storms that have been brewing
For quite some time.

I feel the rain
Gentle at first
Leading me to a moment
Of ignorant calm
I can handle a little bit of rain

But a typhoon
Is another matter entirely

I beg for forgiveness
For something
That is entirely out of my control
Because “Sorry" is a word
That I know all too well.

I dig at my insecurity
Because no one should have to deal with me
So I start to isolate
Shut myself away
Locked in a room
With a typhoon
And no idea why I can’t breathe

So I lash out
At those around me
Unaware that the window, I’m looking out of, at them
Doesn’t show them the storm
That as raging within me.
And because I can’t open my mouth
To beg for help
They can’t see
How very lost I am.

But somehow
The storm breaks for a moment
So I scream, and beg and ugly cry
About everything that is drowning me
And in that moment
The glass shatters
The typhoon rages for all to see
My facade in tatters on the floor
My madness clear for all once more
Shelters are built.
Protections are forged.
I’m supported and strengthened
I feel brave, I feel sure,
And slowly but surely
The storm passes on
A brief hint of sunlight
A battle is won.

But I start to panic,
To wonder and fear
What if you all decided
To abandon me here
Who could blame you,
I’m broken and beaten
And I’m hard work to support
And I’m never who I’m supposed to be.
What if next time, the storm doesn’t break
What if can’t get help before it’s too late.

I don’t want to hurt anyone
I just want to help people heal
So please forgive me my illness
Let’s pretend it’s not real

I’ll keep facing the sun
Live my life true
And try my best
Not to burden the very best of you x