Lied to your face again.
And I will allow you to think of “how easy it is for me”
Because I deserve it.
I deserve the anger you have towards me.  
Or not.
I prefer not.
I can’t say that I love you because..
I slept with someone else.
I retaliated in a way that disgust me,
But that’s as it should be.

To stay stuck and horrid.

Every ounce of hope and regret is being pushed out of my mind.
We could never be.
Not with that hanging over my head.

You forgave me though.

I still can’t do it.
How could I?
With what I have done, I can’t excuse it.
I need to be here where I’m at.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be strong.
I know you wished for me to be the me you wanted.
I’m sorry I allowed myself to be engulfed by you again.

Your mere presence calms my soul.
I’m at peace,
But it’s wrong. I can’t accept it.
Too much has been done.