I'm a loser.
I'm a loser.
And I'm all that I appear to be.

Of all the foes I have won or have lost,
There is one foe I should never have crossed.
He tallied tons more than I did my friends,
I'll not admit that I lose in the end.

I'm a loser.
I'm a loser.
And I'm all that I appear to be.

They say I look and I act like a clown;
My skin runs orange when I have my meltdowns.
My fears of jail are too real and acute,
A real man would self-aim and then shoot.

I'm a loser,
And I'm not the president you see.
I'm a loser,
And I'm all that I appear to be.

All I have done is the cause of my fate;
I'm old, bald, and stably overweight.
And so it's true pride comes before the fall,
It's also true they won't finish my wall.

I'm a loser.
And I'm not the president you see.
I'm a loser,
And I'm all that I appear to be.

(harmonica and don fade out)