There was one time
I took too many pills
and spent the morning curled up in the shower
unable to move
except for spewing waste all over the communal tile.
I thought I was going to die.

I laid in bed
and considered calling myself an ambulance
but was embarrassed at the thought of my quivering, naked body
lugged onto a stretcher
and carted down my dorm hall.
So I waited around to die.

But I didn't die.
Instead, I made an empty promise to never make the same mistake again.
I don't know who I was making my promise to.
Maybe God.
Maybe my little sister.
Maybe myself.