I remember how it felt to know you
In the moments I wasn’t myself
And it’s funny to think of myself
And think I escaped
Because right now
Lying in the darkness alone
I can feel that same weight on my chest
Holding me down and pushing me under
I can feel myself struggling to breathe
Just like I used to
And it feels almost like nothing has changed
Because I’m alone
Now just like I was then
And the screaming inside never stopped
The fear and the pain
The realization that I have no equal
Not even in those that relate to me most
And I’m desperately longing
Needing
Begging
And praying
For something to come along
To change my mind
To make me crave less
The late nights on pavements
Tear and rain soaked streets
Searching the sky for answers
When my chest cracks itself open
For you and every other person that passes
Because I can’t stop feeling
And I can’t feel anything
All at once
I feel like I’m going under
And I can’t stop the waves from crashing
Where is my peace
Where is the surface
All I can find are broken pieces of memories
Things that sting and stab every time
I grasp them
Please
I need a shining light
A moment of clarity
A hand to grab onto
I need to remember my own face
And leave behind the desolation that burns inside me
I need to see and be seen
I need so much
A connection unlike any other
A person on the same plane as the stars
Our eyes meeting like passing comets
I need someone to know me
To breathe into me and press a beat into my heart
Because I don’t feel it there anymore
I feel like a cage or worse
Like I AM caged
I can’t get out but I’m crying for the freedom
Falling to my knees and reaching for it
Screaming for it
I keep fighting
Every day I drag myself back up
Force the pain behind me and try again
Come on
I know it hurts
But keep fighting
I know you can’t anymore
But keep going
Don’t give up
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t let go
Not this time
It’s not too late
I know you can’t breathe
But try
Please just TRY
Don’t let yourself go under this time
Stand up
Keep standing
Hold your head up high
Even as the tears stream down your face
And don’t back down
Because we’re the closest we’ve ever been
To finding ourselves again
And if we lose it this time
We may never get it back