interstate love song -
or, intermittent crying while walking


i'm trying harder than anyone
  could possibly imagine.
and i'm not saying that to be an *******,
it's just that it's true,
and there is no way
for me to explain.
(the way that things crash around inside me)

this place has a path
that is a big circle,
with two paths cutting
through the center.

and suddenly all
i could see was the paths.

the most treaded path
  is safe and predictable.
you don't even have to think,
and that's what's great.
you can just endlessly go in circles,
  and even though it's predictable
you see something new every time.
everyone knows where to go
and is generally very polite.
it's easier to pace yourself when
   you know where you are going,
       it's easier to pace yourself
          when you know when it will end.
and there are the center paths
   so if you decide you can't go any farther,
     you can veer off and take a shortcut.

there is a short detour off
the main path,
  leading to a creek.
   and it's pretty.
   and you know it's there
   and you can go there whenever you want,
   and it's not hard to get back.
on the main path,
right back in step.

but then there is the path
that p u l l s me.
every time i get to a certain place,
i see it and i can't stop staring at it
because i want to follow it.
it's clearly a path,
   a break in the trees.
      but it's going into the wild,
and the path turns abruptly,
so you can't see where it goes.
    you can't see how far
    and you can't see how deep.

i'm not sure how many times i walked in that circle
and stared at that path
across the way.

i'm not sure how many times i walked right past it
without following it
  because i didn't want to break my stride
and get distracted.

but suddenly i just had to go there.
immediately.
and i stepped right out of the circle
    without thinking,
  and straight into
    the woods.