I think I want to bleed again.

My insides feel hollow

Empty, but like there's something there

That needs to spill out.


I've made myself numb

Denial pressed onto my old wounds

Like bandages.

I haven't let myself hit rock bottom in months

Convincing myself, time and again

That, not only would it be okay

But none of it was ever real

In the first place.


I've worn my struggles on my sleeve

Like an attention ***** badge

Become the poster girl

For overcoming.

I've tried shedding my old skin

Spreading bits of my new self

All over everything

All in an attempt to show everyone

That I'm not who I was anymore.


I've convinced myself of tomorrow

Where all those hideous things

Are reflections in my rearview mirror.

I've fallen in love

With the idea of life going on

Because surely

The truly awful things

Won't keep happening to me.


Now I remember

That I'm a fake.

Today's my day

To fall back down.


I think I need to bleed again.