christmas day will soon be here
unless Santa's been cruising
with ten packs of beer
in which case we'll wait
asleep in our beds
as hundreds of presents
rain down on our heads
children at bedtime
will kneel and surely pray
because reindeer amped on speed
are pulling Santa's sleigh
cavorting through the stratus
unseemly and awry
santa's spacing out again
and can't begin to fly
drunken and half-conscious
he stumbles on your roof
old Santa's on the sauce
and it looks like 90 proof
father Christmas makes a racket
as upon your house he treads
he prances like a madman
as he devours all his meds
after milk and cookies
he raids your fridge for *****:
port, sherry, scotch and wine -
there's nothing left to lose
ambling through your house at night
he returns to his sleigh once more
destroying your chimney as he goes -
it's what Christmas time is for
when all is done, he heads for home
a month or seven late
mrs Claus has left for good -
he'll have to *******