it’s almost three in the morning and i’m up in my too small bed in a room that is too quiet and my brain won’t stop and my chest feels tight and i can’t stop thinking of all the wrong i did against you
in the quiet of my room i think i’m learning finally learning how to be kind not to others no that’s always been something i’ve excelled in the sins of others were always easier to wipe away their transgressions easier to look past easier to drown them in grace while leaving myself to burn
no i’m learning to be kind to myself i was a bad person or i could be a bad person but that person isn’t me anymore they deserve forgiveness they were too young and damaged and unable to be kind to themselves
it’s okay rest you fought for a long time and you fought well but you’re safe now people seem to forget that the throne you sat on was not given you had to crawl through the mud and **** and maim to get to it you became lethal in response to a world that wanted to end you
but it’s time to learn how to drop the sword you are more than a weapon more than a vessel of destruction your jagged edges can be smoothed down and where once rested anger and fear you carry grace and mercy