I can feel myself fading

It’s not as chaotic as I thought it would be,
There are no screams and tears and last words,
warped in pain and grief ,
No sound of my expected to be rapidly beating heart,
as I fight to stay alive, to stay in this world

Instead, it’s eerily calm
Just me and the howling wind,
as my mind counts the seconds tumbling by,
As I wait for the end

Surely this is not it,
Surely there is a chance,
a sliver of hope glowing among these pitch black depths

I want to believe it,
That I can somehow live,
That this is not the end,
that I am not turning to dust and nothing more,
That in this timeline where I can feel every bit of me disintegrate and turn into nothing,
there is a future,
A future for me.

And I almost do

I almost do

My eyes close,
The world seems so still,
as if the earth has quit its spinning to watch
As if all the life out there is holding its breath,
waiting to see the very end

Maybe in another universe, I will live

But for now I am just another leaf of the fall,
ready to be buried underneath the snow.