my bed sheets became a portal to escape,
trading hours and hours for restless naps.
am i tired or sick?

my favourite book, shows and hobbies
seem estranged, senseless and dull.
am i bored or sick?

my walls are back up, providing me with
desperate digital and physical isolation.
am i antisocial or sick?

my appetite is no longer a reason for me
to travel all the way to the kitchen and eat.
am i lazy or sick?

my problems and pain suddenly "block"
me from helping the people that i love.
am i selfish or sick?

my pain doesn't feel justified and it feels
as futile, stubborn and pointless as healing
tell me, am i weak or sick?

am i both? neither? does it switch?
does one cancel out the other or
does one allow the other?

finally, and most importantly
am i ever going to get an answer?
or is this quandary eternal.

11.08.20