When I say “I feel sick”
what I really want to tell you
is I am sick of fearing     sick
of fearing living but what
do I do if I fear dying too?
Where is my home
if not the ground or under it?

You say “we all feel like you”
but I am standing in a room
there is a subtle bang
and I am the only one fleeting
I am the only one but I am
one of many hosts this illness inhibits
so why do I feel so lonely?

Loneliness promises      safety
has been      distorted
thoughts now occupy me so
i am sorry i cancel plans &
cry in concerts &
make excuses &
leave early &
silence myself
but the thoughts are loud
and I am aching (everywhere)

I am at war with my mind