I will never have enough time or paper or energy or words to tell you everything I wanted to say to you but here’s trying..

how easy it was to sit and fill these pages
with all the words that I could never say to you
when you were still right here beside me
though never said that doesn’t make them untrue
I wish I would have said them to you
just cry it out right here on paper
even now these lines are full of doubt
grab a bottle and regret it later
we both know I’m still lying to myself about you
I never thought you’d be more than all you meant to me
I thought I had time
don’t rush in blind
I can write it all now
but I hope you knew
you have not only died one death to me
you die a little death daily
when I reach for you in the middle of the night
when I search for you in a stranger’s eyes
all I have left is behind glass and on paper
it’s your picture on the wall
not your face that I wake to
don’t take me back to times that were so easy
before life had become nothing but grieving
and giving up on harder days
I’ve become so numb that for a while I forget to hurt
but the pain always returns
I still don’t want to hear sound reason for why it happened this way
I’m sure I could’ve learned these lessons another way
I’m trying to find comfort in anything that makes me feel close to you
everyone comes into your life for a reason and we may never understand why they can’t stay
I still have the charm for the bracelet I never made you
I thought I had time
but all I have is this letter to you