Hiding behind fake smiles
Sometimes that’s all you need
Take me away to some place where I’m not so vulnerable emotionally
Goodbye high times
We weren’t living right but we were living life
And I just wanted to know I was on your mind
If that’s my crime
I’ll pay it honestly
Until we both agree that the difference was the same
But I don’t even know your name
Were we always meant to wander away
Were things not meant to stay the same
For me, for me
And I think I’ve served it well
Maybe I’ll rest in hell
Put one more nail in the coffin
Like we did so often
Thinking it wouldn’t be the last
But we can’t outrun the past
And I heard you so clearly
This is not how you live happily
Never after the dreams you had
I always wanted more for me, for me
I should’ve written when I was sober
but I couldn’t stay awake
this will haunt me when I’m older
or maybe it’s my fate
I can’t stop feeling guilty
for things that weren’t my fault
I know I’m not to blame
so why can’t I stop calling out your name
I stepped outside to see if the smoke had cleared
it still blurs my eyes
did you leave it here
to cover the tracks we made
to lose those memories to forgotten days
oh I don’t want to go back
but I can’t seem to move on without you
those words tear me apart
and I’ve tried to hide them in the dark
the moon keeps all of my secrets
so close you can feel everything
except the distance between us
too far gone to recognize
the pain we fail to realize
one day I’ll understand
why we were lost
before we could ever be found
I don’t know what day it is
I don’t think you’re here anymore
how can I wear my heart on my sleeve
when I don’t know what it beats for
all these thoughts that crowd my head
when I know it’s my demons I’m taking to bed
I had a rough night last night
and all I did was sleep
but oh all the things
your dreams can make you see
I never wanted to be wrong
I was with you all along
but the moon she keeps all of my secrets
I may never stop missing you
oh I can’t go back
and I don’t want to move on without you
but the moon keeps all of my secrets
one last goodbye
my god I still need it
but all I have is the moon
and she keeps all of my secrets
And how could I ever compare when she hung the moon and I am only the twinkle of a star's reflection in your eyes.
and you wonder if they knew how close you were would they keep pushing
I'm no longer on solid ground
I'm balancing on the loose gravel at the edges stumbling
threatening to tumble
spilling what's left of me.
Two years later it's still not good enough
Two years later and I'm not worth a ****.
is this what not good enough looks like?
it's what I've felt my whole life.
not pretty enough to keep someone captivated,
not interesting enough for a friend,
not thin enough to even like my body...
you could be everything someone asked for and still not be what they want.
when everyone in my life so far has only walked away..it's what I expect now.
but strangers surprise me still,
just once I would like to look in the mirror and see what they see when they look at me.
how is it so easy for someone that doesn't know me to see what everyone else has missed?
maybe that's the problem, they don't know me.
if they did I'm sure they would change their mind like everyone else.
maybe one day...
maybe one day...
you almost made me love again.
my heart is too broken to nurse another injured soul.
one day I'll understand why we were lost before we were found.
maybe I wasn't good enough to love you from afar.
it wasn't enough knowing we are under the same stars.
we gave up too soon, for that spark to catch it's fire.
then as suddenly as we turned our back, the flame engulfed us all.
do I really have to explain why I don't feel like talking?
do I have to keep telling you how hard it is to even crawl out of bed?
why do I still stare into the empty space you use to fill?
why do I have to be so repetitive about my mood when it's written all over my face?
why am I the one stuck here not wanting to exist at all?
I can feel the sadness creeping in at the edges,
slowly stealing my smile.
I can feel my heart pounding as it gets harder to breathe.
this endless day, I'm losing you all over again.