The streams have set themselves
We watch the sky close down for business
I stressed to you clearly my anxious tendencies
And you still trembled beneath me, acting empty!
You stroke your hair like you have nothing else to hold on to
When my clothes lay openly by your door
And I hold the stub of a cigarette tightly looking for a reason to let you back in bed
After the heavy drinking
I want to hide the stories of my past somewhere where I don't sleep
I want you to just remember how close we used to be
Before you lost my loyalty and I lost your respect

Some part of my frame of being has me still pouring a lot of desire into you
I hold on to my lucidity in dreaming to have my time with you
When you won't even answer me when I simply ask you how you've been
I knowingly continue just loving you in my dreams, knowing that if I wake up you'll be back to hating me
After all the growing I have done, I can't drown out those stupid words and wishes
You'll never be the person I met when I was years lonelier and angrier and crazier
I can never make it up to you, I don't intend to see you as a friend
I tend to see you as the person who was the end of me
I have shed skins over months and nails and hair follicles have followed me down roads
That I stumbled drunkenly with my empty bottle of *****
From Nevada City to Penn Valley, alive finally, openly screaming for the world
To come take me for the last ride, hoping for the car to hit me
Discovering a pack of cigarettes left in a parking lot, covered and unspoiled by rain water

You see I could never ask for a curse because the point was to get a blessing in disguise
I needed to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know it wasn't headlights
I needed this anger and this pain, I needed to hurt you, to change you, to help you grow
It was so I was out of there, you split me open so I could pick up the pieces
And though I will probably never even get that cup of coffee you sort-of half-way didn't really offer,
I still miss you. So I'll just pick up the glass and keep mending the mirror
Because I'll never mend the fences with you
And that's fine, my reflection is enough for me, the reflection of you that you saw in me...
It's my subconscious vision of who you still are to me.
The love I can see in my hellish, haunting, harrowing, narrowing, beautiful sunbathing with you nightmares