I feel like I'm spiraling weightlessly through space,
just-
trying my best, to not lose face.
And at the end of the day, I'm deep in the ocean,
sitting on the shore, without any motion.
I don't feel restless-

...

-nor at peace.

I try to avoid it-
but it's like-

-it's me.

I'm the beast.

Because I'm trapped in this skin.

This weird-

thick coat of paint.

And I can't peel it off because there is just NO WHERE

...

-to tear.

So I keep swirling slowly through space.
Just watching.
Relating.
Loathing.
Feeling like,
I'm an alien,
just watching,
through the windowed eyes of a creature, that I opened the blinds,
to understand..
And I got so caught up in their story, or
whatever world this was,
so mystified by what there was to see and feel,
I forgot how to close the blinds or walk away.
My feet are glued to the floor
and my eyes are glued to the window-
of their eyes.

I know

I KNOW

this 'thing-'

-it's not me.

I wasn't supposed to look out this window.
I just-
...
did.

I'm supposed to know,
that I am not the only alien,
looking through a window,
floating through space;
sitting alone at the ocean floor with water shifting and swaying my hair and clothes all around,
just trying to understand and relate without breaking anything,
or making this poor, defenseless and confused human,

-troubled.

But-
I continue in this journey of flow and forward,
a drift-feeling,
as though they all are real.
And I AM the only alien that accidentally just took a human under my control.

Some days I'm a water fountain,
and some days I've gone dry as drought.
Some days I'm warm and feeling,
some days I'm just empty and without.
All days I'm never-ending-thinking
too concerned with all that is.
I should be proud to think so deep
but sometimes I just crave the fizz.
I want to think,
but without fear.
I want to love,
but not to tear.
I want to dream,
but not to forget.
I want to be brave,
but without the regret.
I know there's more-
so I'll just say...
this too shall pass..
so I can't fray.