Went to see my barber
Asked what style it is I'd like
Chicago Boxcar in the front
Boston in the back
Looked at me rather strangely
Got his shears from out the back
Shaved my head down to the bone
Said that's the end of that

Went to see my dentist
For the ache that's in my mouth
The reason for my visit
To see what it's all about
Told me he knew the problem
Got his pliers from out the back
Pulled all my teeth from out my head
Said that's the end of that

Went to see my doctor
About this tightening in my chest
Take two aspirin call me later
Go home and get some rest
Asked if that's the best advice
That it is he has
Got another opinion from out the back
Said that's the end of that

Went to see the undertaker
Got there D.O.A.
With the shape I was in
Nothing he could say
Got his favorite rake and shovel
From the shed out in the back
Buried me six feet deep
Said that's the end of that