i was never around good, healthy relationships growing up. my parents were a bust, my older sister never taught me better. i grew to be someone who looked for someone who could give me what They all had.

subconsciously, i looked for someone who would hurt my heart so much that i believed that they did in the name of love. after years, i learned that, no, that wasn't love. that's not love. relationships aren't supposed to hurt you to the point where you have to learn to trust again. that's not love.

then i met you.

my heart weary, taking small steps towards you.
hands behind my back, i wondered what this would be.
i couldn't look you in the eyes,
i was afraid i could see the pain you would inflict on me behind your pupils.

but it wasn't like that,
not at all.
i went to sleep every night knowing i mattered to you,
i woke up every morning feeling butterflies.
i finally feel like a teenager.
thinking of you makes my cheeks hurt and i imagine us dancing in the kitchen,
i imagine us together, simply together.

i'm afraid to tell you i love you but i know it's real,
and i know you feel it too.
i know that this feeling is mutual and that's all i need right now.