i wonder what a noose around my throat would feel like

i wonder what the pills in my mouth would taste like

i wonder what the razor against my skin would feel like

which one would hurt the least?
which one would be quickest?
which one would make it easier for those i’ll leave behind?

i wonder how long it would take for them to go through my things

i wonder how long they would cry for me

i wonder how long it would take for them to forget me

when will be long enough?
will it be years? weeks? days?
what amount of time will make it easier for those i’ll leave behind?

i wonder if my life will amount to something

i wonder if anyone will remember me as a stranger

i wonder if i have the courage to end myself

i guess we’ll find out