Somedays, it physically hurts to smile.
It seems as if my entire body is against the idea of making me feel enough.
It seems as if no matter how much I beg for forgiveness, it won't be enough.
It seems as if my mind decided to let my demons take over and my heart played along because it couldn't see the shadows that followed.
It seems as if even if I could change every turn that was taken, it'd lead to the same path of inconsequential pain.
It seems as if even if I wrote down every feeling that could be felt in the most simplified manner, it'd be irrelevant.
It seems as if every time things blurred up, it wasn't just the tears but my amygdala trying to numb the pain.
But I Know that more than anything it is I that wants to not smile because it I'd rather hurt emotionally than physically.