If the water
could calm my soul,
let it take me under
and sweep me away,
into the dark.
A meaningless mass of emptiness,
with just enough awareness
to know,
that I am at peace
with myself,
and with others.
If only that were the case,
right now.

I am at war.

The water is salty
and rapidly flowing.
Hyped up on adrenaline
that spreads like fire through my veins.
This burning sensation of rage,
blind rage,
creates this burden of war,
and insecurity,
that I do not want.

For the first time,
I have been taken advantage of,
during a time when I wasn't myself.
I had a concussion,
and I was taken advantage of,
by someone who I trusted.
And well,
it's safe to say,
now I don't trust them anymore.

This is my war.

It is a war I believe
to find what is real,
and I think the end result,
is that deep down
I have insecurities that I didn't know about,
and those are being dragged painfully to the surface
of the rushing water
of my mind,
and keeping me steadily
in a place I do not wish to be.

I know,
I know very well
that I will come out stronger because of it,
and more secure.
I will know
how to let go,
and take control of myself.
It only takes
one thing,
which is the will power to end this.
I have the will power,
and I will end
my war,
in the most peaceful way I can.

Until then,
I fight.
On top of a hill,
with the river bursting its banks below,
flooding the ground
until it takes all the chaos away,
and leaves me,
at peace.