Do you see yourself
As something worth fighting for?
I don’t know why I’m okay
With choosing the path of least resistance
When the path leads me to people
Who diminish my existence,
And I let them
I let them shrink me till I’m small enough for them to stomach
And I don’t protest when I’m eaten alive
Because I’ve already been eaten up inside
By the idea that being small
Is better than not being loved at all
Maybe that’s not the right way to think
But that’s the cup I’ve been drinking from
Since I was smaller in stature and larger in heart
Until those thoughts tore me apart.
I’m consumed not just by them but by ideas
That tell me that others being able to stand me
Is better than standing for myself-
And it’s better than asking for help.
They might say it’s better to stand alone
But they don’t tell you how lonely it gets
When the people that should be standing with you
Have left you alone in the spotlight and you’re burning
Standing in the midst of people’s glares while the ones that loved you continue to stare and you realize-
They were never there.
How can I stand for myself when these thoughts,
They keep tripping me up?
I wish I could drink from a different cup.
I’m drowning in your opinions of me and who you want me to be-
And who I am.
Who am I?
I don’t seem to know, because I’ve taken pieces of you
Stuck them to me with the strongest glue
Take those pieces away, and what will I be?
Will there be anything left of me?
These are the things I think in the night
When dead thoughts rise again to haunt me.
Who could I be?
Will I ever know me?
I’ve gotten lost on the path of least resistance
And I’ve taken your hand at your insistence
And you lead me further into the dark,
Until I can’t tell where you end and I begin
How can I win?