i.
i keep score of
a million impacts eaten by the hole
of my missing heart.
quietly chewed, faithfully tallied,
winning and losing a hollow game.
like counting craters
on the dark side of the moon.

ii.
what do i wait for?
serendipity? inevitability?
hastened by recklessness and a prayer
that you may witness me flying
toward the sun-- seeking icarus' ashes
in a blue sky
and a blue sea.
send love to my father, who sought to
raise and keep me well.
who feared too much,
and lived too little.

iii.
what hurts?
nothing. everything.
two perfect misalignments.
i'm the greatest kind of awful (and that's fine).