I want to celebrate you

All through life,
I forgot the day until
I'm reminded by others
but now that you're gone
I remember the day each year
without any help
the day feels so empty
so meaningful yet
meaningless
I want to surprise you with
something special
some bright flowers
or a pretty piece of jewelery
to visit you, or at least
give you a call
and wish you a happy birthday
to hear your voice, and give you a hug
to tell you how wonderful you are
and just how great of a mother you are
to go back to all those years
that I forgot and let the day pass
without meaning
and to make sure that you knew
just how much I appreciate you

But now to go to your place of rest
to see your name written there
the words we picked
that doesn't even begin to describe
to sit on the dirt and weep
bring some flowers that you'll
never see or smell,
that someone will clean
up in a week or two
brings me to the thought
that, that might just bring some peace
some closure
some way to show you how much I care
but I can't even do that,
being miles and miles away
though even if I was closer
would I?

I can be close to you
as close as I can get now
anywhere I am
with but a thought

Happy Birthday Mother