Funny how
I dreamt of you
Once
What your skin
might feel like
under my palms
Forbidden

Funny how
I grew out of it
Funny how
I told you
I wasn't interested
That I was
a loyal woman

Weeks later
we drink with friends
the soft trickle
of *** as it
cleanses my lips
and runs down my throat
the soft trickle
of inebriation
starts to roll in
joyful laughter
in a scummy bar
i spoke of him
quite a bit
you smile
agree
and i say
"you're a good friend"

funny how
friendliness is misinterpreted
even through
declaration of devotion
to my lover
who awaits me at home
even through
the words "i trust you"
muttered
as you lift me off the ground
promising to get me somewhere warm
and safe
as i'm vomiting
shaking
in the cold
barely aware of where i am
or how many little glass cups
i've emptied
to empty myself
how many
tiny white straws
i've used up
how many pumps
my stomach
probably needs

Funny how
in what felt like a haze
an odd dream
I didn't scream "NO"
just
drunkenly
laid
there
naked
as you
enter me
let you
turn me over
and make me feel
small

Funny how
I "learned"
growing up
about consent
all the times
my mom told me
to stand my ground
and then
all the times
fear created silence
but "****"
was never perpetrated
so i stay
quiet
shamed
violated
I guess you could say it's complicated.

By the way, that's not what I meant by "I trust you."