I’ve been dressing up ugly lies in pretty words for a little over a year, now. I’m driving around this town with the windows down, blasting music just to drown out every self-deprecating thought but they’re louder than the base & more violent than the drums. I’m cutting into the rhythm with a pounding headache. The heart beat in my forehead is distorting every word. It’s warmer today than it’s been in a while, around here. Everyone is climbing out of their winter skin and burning their feet on black pavement. My eyes are stinging but I’m waving, and we’re smiling. Well, hey, it’s not all completely eradicated. I’m really working on it this time. I’m doing everything in my power not to panic. Counting breaths & skipping over every song that brings me down. I’m focusing on the street signs blurring together in my rear view & reminding myself to forget about you. I’m ripping cigarettes to shreds and burying their remains in my back yard. I’m washing pills down my kitchen sink. I’m silencing my cell phone when your name lights up the screen. Dependence is just old & abused comfort laced in fear. Well I know the swelling in my veins won't go down for a couple more weeks & I know my knees will shake for days to come but I swear to Christ, I’ll walk straight through this summer clinging to nothing but my shell. I swear to Christ, I will shed every inch of this ******* Hell.