Without a Whimper

In the moments before death my brain had flooded with DMT And I could see in my mind’s eye all of the best that had been between us. From somewhere above my body I silently screamed that the DNR was a mistake I was comforted then in knowing that you would soon follow me into the dark -a willing victim of our shared cancer. I had seen your hospice nurses and heard your death rattles for years. Even still I longed so much for you to grab the paddles and force me back but we had agreed not to resuscitate; so paralyzed I watched my life leave. It was first with a whimper and then with sobs that I grasped wildly around the small pitch box in search of you who had promised to die with me. I found instead more darkness, the smell of dirt and that not even the ghost of you had come to lay. I can sometimes hear you eulogize my goodness from above when you come to pick the flowers I’m growing with what is left of me. I won’t reach for you anymore as I did last night. I will lie very still. Without a whimper.

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Written by

MandiWolfe

37 / F / Athens, Ohio

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