I just wanted to feel something, to be alive for a moment
The mistakes that I have made, how they eat me inside out
Like tapeworms consuming every broken down piece of food.
I just wanted to experience real, but my hole was too deep
I consumed and swallowed entire memories whole,
Nothing was ever quite enough it seemed, the hunger progressed
I continuously tried and tried to ***** out the fire, to forget it existed
But the flames burned high and bright, choking out any air I had left.
I pleaded and begged to be forgiven, but the thrones in my mind sat high
A mistake was all it took to lose myself entirely
I forgot who I was and what I stood for, I just wanted the hole filled.
It seemed that no matter the dirt, no matter the filler
The eternal quicksand ate every cubic inch and spit dust out
I ran in circles for years avoiding my mistakes
Until the day I ran smack into them and fell down the hole.
The fillers, the dirt, it consumed me, drowning out my cries for help
No one heard a single peep and I thought for sure I had died
How long will I hold guilt’s hand and kiss shames forehead,
I wasn’t right in the mind at the time and didn’t understand.
You see, I just wanted to feel something again
When your whole world is stripped away and tossed into the trash
You begin to feel the itch of filling “the hole.”
But I advise you to turn away, forgive yourself and not look back
For years I hated myself for making the same mistake
It took years to forgive myself, I'm still learning how.
Are there some mistakes you receive no redemption from?
I must be receiving some to know that it was wrong
Of all the mistakes I have made, that one just won’t let me go.