I was too immature and innocent to recognize the constant pain I was in.
I ignored it; I thought it natural and normal.
It was something you just didn't discuss.
But you can't hold it in forever.
I grew up and so did my pain.
I remember the first time I felt a ridiculous amount of it.
Anger, resentment, confusion, sorrow, guilt. Especially guilt.
When you disregard something like that for so long...
how are you supposed to react when it hits you?
It changed close to everything I had decided about myself.
All my plans and dreams and ideas and opinions, I questioned it all.
I realized what I had done and who others really were.
I realized how alone I was and why I had always felt that way.
Once I stopped ignoring it I began to learn to deal with it.
Some days I found it harder than others.
Pain is an odd thing. You know it's bad and you don't always initially like it. But it's addictive and eventually you don't want anything else interfering. You get used to it.
Sad people think sad thoughts and listen to sad music and read sad books and love sad people.
Pain loves pain.