coasting at the coast
cape runaway
beckons
just past the breaks
summer morning vista
seen from our bed
through sleepy
summer holiday eyes
still
I can see the foam
crashing on the rocks
that feed the churn
between the capes landfall
and rocky outcrop

I remember the thrill
first time I steered us
around those rocks
the strong current pulling
and rocking the boat
you too ******
to navigate us safely
first time I'd driven the boat
I remember
the powerful engines(2 twins)
straining against
the undertow
trying to pull us into
a rocky jagged death
you were oblivious
kept sliding your hand up my thigh


I could feel the bow
dipping toward the crag
then the boat being tossed
toward equally rocky foreshore
it was a push me pull you dance
you blissfully ignorant
hammered
reaching for another cold one
one hand trying to find a way
inside my shorts

I remember
having to put it in reverse
full throttle
then cut it quick
to roll out of the pit
with the flow of the undertow
then gun it to clear water

I remember
being mesmerised
enticed
by the eddied
turbulent water

I remember
thinking
I could just let it go
and dive overboard
alone
a strong sea swimmer
trained surf life saver

I remember
looking
seeing
the path through the rips
counting the beats
between the crashing waves
knowing
I could easily make it
alone


I'd swum through pain before
my shoulder still burned
you almost ripped it
out of the socket
my fingers traced the lump
and fissure
under my hair line
where you'd smashed my head
into the wooden door frame
over
and
over
your fist a handful
of my hair
seeing stars and tweety birds
tasting blood
from biting my lip
and my tongue
staying on my feet
refusing to crumple
before you


Christmas night
before we left for the coast
boxing day morning
at 6am


I remember
thinking

I don't love you anymore

I remember
thinking

youve made
a slaughterhouse
of our love

I remember
thinking
I'm better than you
than this urge
to hurt you back
so you'd understand
how deep you hurt me

I remember
thinking
I don't want to be like you
and steering us
both
safely home.

J.C. 13/09/2019. 12.22 am (Friday 13th)