You've struggled with trusting people because your childhood taught you it's hard to trust anyone - ever. Even speaking to a therapist that doesn't understand the meaning of "confidential" because they feel like telling someone else your life will be them helping you.

You're trying to figure out what your only solution is to ever becoming "normal" because you're completely tired of feeling like everyone is plotting against you or feeling so depressed you don't ever want to go out and having to make excuses for why you're better off not going out.

What is normal even?
How does someone even begin to become normal?