i wish i had your guidance
and your confidence.
i could have used your motivational speeches
and your spark,
or just your shoulder
and warm embrace.
i wish you could see the look on my face as i died slowly by the hands of myself,
as i cried out for help
and for creator to end all existence that existed around me
and within me.
maybe if i had your intuitive demeanor i could have understood my intuition,
if i had your drive i could have understood patience and persistence.
if i had your advice i could have avoided all of the mishaps of yesterday that somehow,
very strangely,
turned into wisdom for my today.
i needed you,
i thought i could never find you.
i thought i wouldn't make it pass 16,
and at 21,
i am the woman i wish i had as a girl.